Today I found myself having an interesting discussion with a friend. The conversation had snaked around, and ended up with me having to describe what dealing with Depression and Anxiety is like. Not the feelings of it, but the management of it. More how random the experience can be (for me at least). At first, I tried several different metaphors and similes – but none of them really worked. But then suddenly – Eureka!

So I am going to share it with you. At least half of you will understand. The other half will at least be entertained (hopefully).

Dealing with Depression and Anxiety is like being a teenager again, with a cock that has realised it has a new party trick. And boy, does it want to show off… again and again and again. Up and down it goes, excitingly showing its trick – but for at least 70-80% it is the most inappropriate times.

You ladies have no idea how it is to deal with this sort of interruption throughout your day. The constant “hey, look what I can do!”. That annoying friend that won’t shut up it.

Now, approx 20% of the time, you know when it is going to happen – a bit of sexy private time, or getting close to a loved one. This is when you know it’s going to happen, obviously, and so prepared for the situation to unfold.

However, it’s the other 70-80% of the time is the trouble.

You can be sitting on the bus, minding your own business, then suddenly the vibrations of the engine are in the right way and is enough for a “Ta-da! Look at what I can do” – the repertoire begins. Or you’re in class, and for no reason at all “Hi! Remember what I can do?”. The important thing to understand is that these are not sexually triggered. Far from it most of the time. They literally just happen without warning.

So girls, you sometimes comment or even have a go at us for ‘rearranging’ ourselves – and there are two reasons:

  1. Our underwear has twisted, similar (I presume) to your bra readjustment situation, and so things need to move.
  2. A ta-da moment has occurred, and a quick ‘tuck it behind the belt’ manoeuvre is required – and trust me that can be incredibly painful at times

Unfortunately, with depression and anxiety flare-ups, there’s no manoeuvre for rapid deployment. Not that I know of any ways.

Then there’s the cupping manoeuvre, when the chap is undecided about he’s fanfare introduction. Thankfully, these are smaller flares of wandering, and can simply be managed with a hand in the pocket, in a cupping motif. The cupping manoeuvre is an ideal deployment, as it is perfectly placed for a rapid full on belt manoeuvre if necessary. However, the majority of the time, the situation settles and no further action is required. And ladies, it’s normally the lads left hand if you’re interested – as most ‘swing’ that way.

So that is what it is like dealing with depression and anxiety flare-ups. Most are totally random and from totally left field. Some are in specific situations or places. Some are worse than others – but really you never know what is going to happen. If nothing else, I hope the girls realise how difficult it is to be a teen lad with no control on a daily basis 😛

Maybe next time: why blokes have literally no control over peeing in/on/around the toilet lol